1) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: ***
Young wizard and his two friends try to destroy some jewellery so a man with no nose will stop killing people. Half a film, and most of it is shot in a tent. It is a magic tent though, which makes it a bit more exciting.
Morals of the story:
- Jewellery is evil.
- Magic swords solve all woes.
2) Never Let Me Go: ****
Children are modeled on less desirable members of society so they can donate parts of their body to more desirable members of society. Ethical implications. Romance. Baffling bit where someone seems to have donated a part of their body they needed for locomotor skills.
Morals of the story:
- Try not to breed humans if you can help it.
- If you do get bred, don't fall in love.
3) Tangled: ***(*)
Lady with long hair uses it to fight evil. Meets a thief who has an epiphany and becomes a nice guy. Get the sneaking suspicion not aimed at my age group. The extra star in brackets is because H really liked it and disagreed with my rating.
Morals of the story:
- Look after your hair.
4) Sword in the Stone: *****
Another magic sword saves the day. One of my favourite childhood films, and the first I watched when I found the 'Disney Classics' folder on my entertainment hub thingy.
Morals of the story:
- Name your children after viral skin infections if you want them to grow up and become a monarch.
- Magic swords solve all woes.
5) Fantasia 2000: ****
I think I'm one of the few people that actually like this. Was brilliant for dozing in and out of very light sleep. Managed to miss the sorcerers apprentice bit though as I think it coincided with the only 20 minutes of proper sleep I got the entire journey.
Morals of the story:
- Don't put spells on brooms.
6) Aristocats: ****
Posh French woman leaves fortune to cats, so evil butler gets rid of cats. But they come back, with the help of a sleazy, smarmy alley cat who is only after one thing, really (eskimo kisses).
Morals of the story:
- Don't have a butler. They are evil.
- Don't have a fortune. It causes strife to your cats.
7) Red: ****
Ex-CIA agents get targetted because they helped the Vice-President of the USA do mean things in the 1980's. Lots of explosions, cool gadgets, and old people kicking young people's behinds. And Helen Mirren, who always looks amazing, even when wearing massive biker boots with a white ball gown.
Morals of the story:
- Don't topple Guatamalan governments.
8) Chronicles of Narnia - Voyage of the Dawn Treader: *****
My favourite Narnia book. Kings and Queens of Narnia sail to the end of the world while defeating evil. If you ignore the blatent rip off of the less well-known book 'The Bible', the blatent sexism, and the blatent modelling of the bad guys on the Middle East, it's brilliant. And there's a grand total of SEVEN magic swords.
Morals of the story:
- Jesus is actually a lion.
- Magic swords solve all woes.
9) Finding Nemo: ****
Fish misplaces his physically disabled son (foolish) and sets off to find him with the help of a fish with memory loss and the voice of a lesbian. On the way he meets three chronically confused sharks, some seabirds with echolalia, and a turtle who I suspect has abused marijuana in the past. There is some mild peril, but in the end everyone lives happily ever after.
Morals of the story:
- Never trust a dentist.
- Try not to lose your offspring.
So, there you have it. Am going to try to beat my personal best of nine films on the way back home.
I did learn a few things on the journey that may interest you:
- Everyone who works for Emirates is really goodlooking.
- Crossing time zones means you have meals in an odd order. I had lunch-lunch-breakfast-breakfast.
- You can buy a gold mobile phone for about US $40k.
- NZ motorways have palm trees in the central reservations.
There were a few things we did not learn, however:
- What country Dubai is in.
- What the currency is in Dubai.
- The conversion rate between Dubai money and GBP. We had to measure everything based on the price of a stuffed camel we saw in the gift shop. For example, miniature ornamental tea set = 3 camels. One coffee = 1.125 camels.
Right, signing off now as I smell and need a shower. And potentially slightly delirious, but I lack insight into my condition.
What a lot of filums. I may have to watch the same filums and compare our ratings. But not the H.P. or Narnia ones if I may be excused them please?
ReplyDeleteDubai is the Arab Emirates - maybe the name of the airline was a clue?
this is NOT Graeme commenting!
You make me laugh SO MUCH. I can feel it...this blog will be GENIUS. xxxx
ReplyDeleteBest film reviews I've read - and I read a lot - I especially like the morals of the films - I'm even going to work a couple into my daily life, even though I haven't had the pleasure of seeing the films. Namely:
ReplyDelete- Try not to breed humans if you can help it.
- Don't have a butler. They are evil.
Made my day.
But you've set the standard high - don't go dropping it. Though if this is what you're capable of when sleep deprived, I'm sure we'll all have nothing to worry about
Oh dear, I think the sleep-deprivation was responsible for this, don't think I'll be very funny now I'm well-rested :-\
ReplyDeleteLoved your film reviews.
ReplyDeleteDubai is in the United Arab Emirates, as in United Kingdom, where there are a group of countries united together (supposedly)
Their currency is the Dirham - not sure how many camels to the pound though ;)
I can't believe you didn't sleep on the plane, I've found that BA make the plane so damn hot you fall asleep anyway. If you're asleep you aren't causing any work for the 'trolley dollys'. At least I have the luxury of travelling 'club' now, which means I get proper food and a bed. I'm too short for 'cattle' class, cos the seats are so high in front of me, it makes me feel claustrophobic, that's my excuse anyway
Looking forward to your next posts
Hugs and kisses from the United Kingdom
xxx
I think you may be suffering from a film overdose. Don't worry though because I think you may find the antidote now that you've arrived.
ReplyDelete